Mickey Mantle's Liver

Buckeyes, Bearcats sporting tough schedules

Two Teams equal in schedule difficulty

I never thought after coming to the University of Cincinnati at the age of 19 to study Mechanical Engineering in 2003, that the Bearcats would have a good football team.  The fact of the matter is, after hiring hard noses Mark Danantonio for two years and now Brian Kelly, the Bearcats look to be one of the better teams in the Big East and possibly the nation.  Their schedule includes all of the usual Big East opponents (WVU, Louisville, Pitt, USF, Rutgers...) but also Oklahoma AND Hawaii.  Who saw this coming?  After last year I did, but in 2003, no way.  Though the Bearcats have lost quarterback Ben Mauk, hopefully sophomore Demetrius Jones or Senior Dustin Grutza will fill the vacant spot well.  The Bearcats will need their stingy defense to return to have a chance at winning the Big East.

So maybe one day I will have gone to a "football school".  It is quite frustrating being an Ohio native and an alumnus of a university that lacks a proper football squad.  The difference on the UC gridiron between 2003 and 2008 is like red and black.  Not only are the players and coaches better, but there a lot more fans showing up (at least for home games).  The running game fits the state of Ohio (large and bruising with not much flash) and Brian Kelly, will most likely balance out that offense with an elusively aggressive pass game.  The UC Bearcats should be a formidable opponent come late summer in southern Ohio.  Now let's take a drive up I-71 to Columbus...

The Ohio State Buckeyes will most likely win the Big Ten Conference, again.  Will they get a spot in the (insert tortilla chip company name here) National Championship?  That all depends on one thing:  beating USC before their conference play starts.  Some might say the Buckeyes don't have a chance, and they might be right.  USC dominated Illinois last year (who beat the Buckeyes with their speed) and has had some incredible recruiting classes the last couple of years.  The Buckeyes also have to go to L.A. to play - neither the Buckeyes, nor the Wolverines have faired well when traveling to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl (a lopsided home-field advantage for the Trojans).  The Buckeyes, however, will be composed of an experienced and talented team, only losing starter DE Vernon Gholston to the NFL.  Will that be enough?  Maybe, but here is something some people overlook: the Buckeyes are pissed.  After being embarrassed by Florida (yes some of those players are still there) and routed by LSU, both SEC "speed" teams, the Buckeyes are sick of being burned.  Their defense has been fast and young in the past, but is a seasoned, veteran core now. And to lose to a "West Coast offense" team (basically seen as a wimpier, watered down type of vag-tastic football in Ohio) and then win the Big Ten would be like settling for a moot season.  That's not all.  Riots will break out across Ohio, cars will be flipped and burned, beer cans will be thrown in anger against TVs, God will cry, and the question will be posed: does the traditional heavy power-and-run style of football work anymore?

Not that Ohio State really uses it anymore; Tressel balanced out the Buckeyes when he arrived.  But Ohioans want it to live and breathe until the Earth is engulfed by the Sun.  To deny its style would be like Rocky never winning, or the American muscle car ceasing to exist.  More than that, it would be denying the Ohio State past, forgetting Woody Hayes, and the "three yards and a cloud of dust."  So, come September 13th, remember Trojan fans (and the rest of you anti-OSU fans) that this is where college football really came from.  The Rugby-style, brute force hits, and painful, up-the-gut runs are our history, and yours, too.  Also, don't forget that while you may have the Buckeyes in your house, the Scarlett and Gray come from the Big Ten, home to some of the craziest fans on Earth.  Think you can get inside those heads?  Doubtful.  We'll just have to see what happens.  I can sit here and type all day about the future, but it won't do any good for the Buckeyes.  One thing is for sure: whoever wins this game will probably go to the National Championship, probably to face another SEC team.  Regardless, speculation is like masturbation: it gives you something to do while you're sitting around, watching TV, thinking about your high school prom date, and drinking a beer, but come game time...
IT DOESN'T MEAN SHIT.  From one avid college football fan to another, is it game time yet?

What the F$%^!!!!! Beavers Football Still Gets No Respect.....

Does anyone else remember the score of the Civil War game?  Correct me if I am wrong, but the Beavers won 38 to 31 over the webfoots.

Well, someone ought to remind the voters of the friggin' AP POLL because those morons released their final rankings and U of Zero is ranked ahead of Oregon State.  Hell, the USA Today Poll doesn't even have the Beavers ranked at all!  No wonder why they have to give away USA Today at McDonalds and Oil Can Henry's, it is such a crappy paper no one will read it.

Kudos, by the way, to Mike Riley and the Beaver for finishing in the Top 25 for yet another year.

Apparently the fact that the Beavers beat the U of Zero, in OddSen, when the ducklings were ranked 17th in the nation, without:

1. Our #1 Quarterback
2. Our All Pac-10 runningback
3. Our All American Wide Receiver
4. Out best offensive linman
5. Our starting Right Tackle

wasn't enough to convince the voters that the Beavers are a better football team than the webfoots.  I know the U of Zero fans whine about all the injuries they had.  That is all we heard about during Civil War Week.  Did you hear a peep out of Oregon State regarding all of THEIR injuries?  Nope.

But they still had Jonathan Stewart, a very, very good offensive line, a fast defense, and the OddSen crowd.....AND WE STILL BEAT THEM!

Sometimes I just don't understand sports writers.....

Cry-a-Lotti to UCLA! Who is going to coach the Ducks? Herm Edwards or Bill Cowher...

It looks like the mastermind behind the annual "Duck Fade" (you know, Ducks play well in September and part of October, then proceed to suck the rest of the year) is about to leave Spew-gene for the F-UCLA job.  We will have to change the name from the "Duck Fade" to the "Bruin Fade".  It looks like Cry-a-lotti is going to Los Angeles, to compete with the likes of USC and .......well, USC for recruits.  Good luck with that one Mikey.

Although nothing is for certain yet, all signs point to Mikey leaving the southern Willamette Valley for southern California.  So the next question is: who should replace Cry-a-lotti.

I got two names:  Herm Edwards and Bill Cowher.

Both of these guys are available.  And both Edwards and Cowher have said they would be interested in returning to college football in some capacity.  The problem is there are few schools that have the kind of resources it would take to lure one of these guys to Blew-gene.

But Uncle Phil has those resources.  So does AD Brian Kilkenny.

The only real question is: does the next head coach of the webfoots have to have the porn 'stache?  If so, then Bill Cowher is the obvious choice:

I think Bill Cowher has the inside track anyway.  He won a Super Bowl with the Pittsburgh Stoolers and he has the porn 'stache.

Edwards would be a great pick as well.  It would be tough for me to root against the quacklings if they hired Edwards because he is such a cool guy and is very well respected in the football coaching community.  Edwards is a stud who would turn 18 year-old boys into responsible young men.  What parent wouldn't want Edwards in their son's life.

Ahhh...but Edwards has no porn 'stache.

The key is that Cry-a-lotti is apparently leaving and the hunt for the next porn 'stache wearer is set to begin.

Why I am excited about the Emerald Bowl

To all my fellow citizens of Beaver Nation, I have two words for you in relation to the bowl game the Beavers are playing in:  Calm Down.

If you think about it logically, just for a moment, you will come to realize just how lucky we are to be playing in the Emerald Bowl, in San Francisco, instead of the Sun Bowl in El Crappo.

First, which is closer?  San Francisco.  Which means it will be easier for Beaver Nation to travel to the game.  Also, which city is further away from College Park, Maryland?  San Francisco.  Which means there will be less Terrapins at the game than there might be Southern Floridians at the Sun Bowl.

Second, where do most of our players and recruits come from?  Notwithstanding Jacquizz Rodgers, our players and recruits come from California.  Which means two things:  our players' families will get to see them play in a bowl game and our recruits get to watch the Beavers play in a bowl game.

Third, who would you rather play?  A South Florida team that was once #2 in the country or a 6-6 Maryland Terrapin team that was 3-5 in their conference?  Maryland.  Why?  Because we are going to kill them.  Which means that the players' families get to see their kids win a football game and the recruits get to see the Beavers light up a team from the East Coast.

OK, so the third place team in the PAC-10 is supposed to go to El Crappo.  And because the Ducks are travelling to El Crappo many Beaver fans feel as though the Beavers have been slighted.  I have a one-word response:

SCOREBOARD

Any Duck fan who says "Well, at least we are going to the Sun Bowl," in an effort to demean the Beavers is a complete idiot (and yes, I know there are a LOT of idiot Duck fans out there).  The Ducks can have the Sun Bowl and El Crappo, I'll take the Emerald Bowl and 38 - 31 thank you very much.

GO BEAVS!!!!!!!

A Civil War Poem

Twas the night before the Civil War,

Beaver and Duck fans were preparing

For tailgating and a football game,

And worrying about how their teams were fairing.

The Ducks had lost two in a row,

with injuries to most of their team,

A fifth string quarterback taking the snap

Made winning impossible, it would seem.

The Beavers had won five out of six,

with a defense as stout as a wall,

Unfortunately with Yvenson hurt,

The Beaver offense cannot move the ball.

With Duck fans whining about what could have been,

And Beaver fans hoping for what may,

The Civil War game in 2007,

Has become an important game to play.

Will Lyle the Smile throw interceptions,

Or will the Duck quarterbacks fill that role?

My bet is that Cody or Roper will,

Have you seem them, they’re built like poles?

Jonathon Stewart is a man among men,

a terrific back in that regard,

But OSU has a good one too,

his name is Yvenson Bernard.

With so much in doubt with each team’s offense,

It’s a wonder if anyone will score at all,

Another zero to zero game?

No, there will be no Toilet Bowl this fall.

Because when it comes to scoring, OSU has the Best,

A kicker with the last name Serna,

He doesn’t miss from anywhere,

Which is why he is a finalist for the Groza.

The only thing that can save the Ducks

Is a little help from Mother Nature,

Not even Uncle Phil Can help

I know he will try, you betcha.

So Duck fans are praying

for snow to fall from the sky

Which makes no sense in the least

Because when snow starts to fall

From the clouds up above,

Ducks fly south, not east.

It’s all stacked against them,

The Duck fans all know

The injuries, the teams and the snow.

If we lose yet another game

To which lousy bowl game will we go?

And the Beavers have their problems too,

injuries, Autzen and snow,

Regardless of how the game turns out,

We still get to be Beavers, you know.

So onto the field, the teams will charge out

looking to win just one more game

No matter the result of tomorrow’s tilt,

We all hate the Huskies just the same!

GO BEAVERS!!!!!!

Will we have the key to the Civil War?

I firmly believe that the key to the Civil War this weekend is whether or not Yvenson Bernard is available.  Pretty much everyone who thinks they know anything about college football thinks the Civil War is going to be a low scoring affair.

That may be the case, given the depleted offenses both schools will put on the field on Saturday.

Which is why Yvenson Bernard is even more important.  As long as the Beavers hold on to the football, the Beavers will win the game.  And there is no one Beaver Nation would rather have carrying the football than Number 26.  We can ride his back to OSU's first victory in Autzen since 1993.

Ahhhh, but will he be available?  Mike Riley just told Isaac and Big Suke that Yvenson's knee is not responding as they initially thought the knee would be responding.  However, Riley said, Yvenson's knee has made great strides since yesterday.  The fact remains, though, that Yvenson's knee is still a serious concern.

When asked whether Yvenson was going to play on Saturday, Mike Riley took a page from the Mike Bellotti playbook and said that they [Oregon State] would do what is best for Yvenson and the Beavers.  Hmmm.......

So, there are possibly two things going on here.  First, Yvenson's knee injury is worse than originally reported.  If this is true, it may be that Yvenson is not going to be available for our bowl game, let alone the Civil War.

The other possibility (the one I think is more likely) is that Yvenson is doing just fine, there were no complications after the arthroscopic surgery, and Yvenson will play on Saturday.  Riley is just trying to game Bellotti and the Ducks --  Keep them guessing until the very last moment.....

For the time being, all we know is what Paul Buker has been reporting, that Yvenson is on the field, but he is wearing number ??? instead of his usual Number 26.

Well, we will find out Friday if Yvenson is going to suit up.

Some initial thoughts on the 111th Civil War....

Ok, the stage is set for a Civil War that has all the makings of the 0-0 stinker played 24 years ago.  The Beavers' chances are riding on the strong-armed (but horribly inaccurately-armed) shoulders of Lyle "the Smile" Moevao.  The Ducks offense looks like it will be led by Cody Kempt who had a hard time figuring out how to throw the football on Saturday.  Couple that with the fact that Jonathon Stewart is gimpy and Jaison Williams just plain sucks, and the Ducks are left to relying on their defense.

You know the Ducks' defense?  The "bend but don't break" defense built by Nick Allioti that tends to break more than it bends.  Saturday's game was the exception, not the rule.  Mike Bellotti said the Ducks' defensive performance was the best he had ever seen.  Doubtful.  I think he was just trying to give his team, and Duck fans, so glimmer of hope for the civil war.  I saw the game, the Ducks defense didn't play well, the UCLA offense was really bad.

The question for the Beavers is whether Yvenson Bernard is going to play.  He is our playmaker, and our entire offense is predicated on our ability to run the ball.  Clinton Polk has shown the ability to run on occasion, but the only consistent running back we have is Bernard.  Based on the information I have, I predict YB will play on Saturday.

Remember, too, the pressure is on the Ducks to hold serve.  For the last ten years the home team has won the Civil War.  The Ducks are supposed to win, the Beavers aren't.

The year's Civil War is anything but a sure thing for either team.  Stay tuned for further developments......

My 2007 Bowl Projections

2007-08 College Football Bowl Schedule
BOWL	Teams	Teams
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia San Diego	Mtn West v. Navy/At Large	Utah v. Navy
R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl New Orleans	Sun Belt #1 v. C USA	Troy v. Tulsa
Papajohns.com Bowl Birmingham, Ala.	Big East (or Mac) v. CUSA	Rutgers v. Southern Miss
New Mexico Albuquerque, N.M.	Mtn. West v. WAC	New Mexico v. Nevada
Pioneer Las Vegas Las Vegas	Mtn West #1 v. PAC 10 #4	BYU v. Oregon State
Sheraton Hawaii Honolulu	CUSA v. WAC	Houston v. Purdue
Motor City Detroit	Big 10 #7 v. MAC	Northwestern v. Bowling Green
Pacific Life Holiday San Diego	Big 12 #3 v. PAC 10 #2	Kansas v. Arizona State
Texas Houston	Big 12 v. CUSA	Colorado v. Memphis
Champs Sports Orlando, Fla.	ACC #4 v. Big 10 #4 or #5	Clemson v. Penn State
Emerald San Francisco	ACC #7 v. PAC 10 #5	Wake Forest v. UCLA
Meineke Car Care Charlotte, N.C.	ACC #6 v. Big East	Georgia Tech v. Michigan State
AutoZone Liberty Memphis, Tenn.	CUSA #1 v. SEC #6	UCF v. Alabama
Valero Alamo San Antonio	Big 10 #4 or #5 v. Big 12 #4	Wisconsin v. Oklahoma State
PetroSun Independence Shreveport, La.	Big 12 #7 v. SEC #8	Texas A&M v. Miss State
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Fort Worth, Texas	MTN West v. PAC-10	Air Force v. California
Roady's Humanitarian Boise, Idaho	ACC #8 v. WAC	North Carolina State v. Boise State
Sun El Paso, Texas	Big 12/BigEast/Notre Dame v. PAC 10 #3	Cincinnati v. Oregon
Gaylord Hotels Music City Nashville, Tenn.	ACC v. SEC #5	Clemson v. Auburn
Chick-fil-A Atlanta	ACC #2 v. SEC	U Conn v. Arkansas
Insight Tempe, Ariz.	Big 10 #6 v. Big 12 #6	Iowa v. Texas Te ch
Outback Tampa, Fla.	Big 10 #3 v. SEC	Michigan v. South Carolina
AT&T Cotton Dallas	Big 12 #2 v. SEC	Texas v. Kentucky
Gator Jacksonville, Fla.	ACC #3 v. Big 12/Big East/Notre Dame	Virginia v. South Florida
Capital One Orlando, Fla.	Big 10 #2 v. SEC #2	Illinois v. Tennessee
Rose Bowl presented by Citi Pasadena, Calif.	Big 10 Champ v. PAC 10 Champ	Ohio State v. USC
Allstate Sugar New Orleans	SEC #1 v. BCS	Georgia v. Oklahoma
Tostitos Fiesta Glendale, Ariz.	BIG 12 #1 v. BCS	Hawaii v. Boston College
FedEx Orange Miami	ACC #1 v. BCS	Virginia Tech v. West Virginia
International Toronto	Big East/Notre Dame v. MAC #4 or #5	Indiana v. Central Michigan
GMAC Mobile, Ala.	CUSA #2 v. MAC	Ball State v. TCU
Allstate BCS Championship Game New Orleans	BCS #1 v. BCS #2	LSU v. Missouri

Nick Saban Brings Promise, Destruction to Alabama

From DeadSpin

Nick Saban Brings Promise, Destruction to Alabama

Nick Saban and his presidential motorcade rolled into Tuscaloosa late yesterday afternoon may have startled gawking locals distracted by the big, fancy automobile rolling through town, as the Tuscaloosa News reports that "Saban's Motorcade Distracts Drivers":

[A] five-vehicle wreck on the Hugh Thomas Bridge that occurred at the same time University of Alabama's new head football coach Nick Saban was escorted over the bridge travelling in the opposite direction by police Wednesday afternoon. The victim, a woman who sustained minor injuries, was taken to DCH Regional Medical Center, said Capt. Joe Pierson of the Tuscaloosa Police Department...

however

Pierson said none of the people involved in the wreck, including a police investigator who's unmarked car was damaged in the wreck, said they think the wreck occurred because people were staring at Saban's escort.

Hmm. I've reread this story six times now and still can't figure out whether or not Nick Saban's car caused the accident. Headline says "yes" -- kicker graph says "no". I can't figure it out, which leads me to believe that if Nick Saban's motorcade were to roll passed me on the street, I would most likely end up in the hospital as well.

Saban's Motorcade Distracts Drivers [Tuscaloosa News]
Saban Rolls With Tide [Decatur Daily]

[via Deadspin]