Mickey Mantle's Liver

Hey Frenchy, F$%# You!

I have one French phrase for the French 4x100 freestyle relay team -  Fermez les bouches! (shut your mouths, or "shut up").

What am I talking about?  Well, it seems the French relay team was feeling pretty good about themselves, and their chances of winning the gold in the 4x100 free relay, so much so that Frenchy Alain Bernard said:

"The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for," Bernard said.

Hey Bernard - Tais Toi! (that means "Shut Up!)

And the line of the night came from Garret Weber-Gale when he told NBC's Andrea Kremer "We heard the frenchies talking some stuff...."

I love it, the frenchies?

Hey France, always remember that if it weren't for the United States of America, you all would be speaking German and goose-stepping in front of the Fuhrer.

You won't beat us, you can't beat us, because we are the AMERICANS, and don't you forget it.  I have never been so excited about a swimming meet in all my life, and when the Red, White & Blue put the frenchies where they belong - in second place - a gave a good yell for the old U.S. of A.

And how great was it that the United States was behind by a preety good length when Bernard started the anchor lap, and he - the guy who predicted the frenchies would smash the Americans - choked the lead away to the USA.  Sweet, sweet justice.

Now go eat a baguette, frenchy!

This weeks installment for Mickey Mantle's Liver, is a eurotrashwrap-up featuring dramatic kidney fluid cleansing in the worlds greatest sport.

Here's the lowdown: Levi, an American, didn't have a great Tour de France, but is working his way back to win the Tour of Germany. He won the ToG last year. Moreover, he was just hired back to Team Discovery (Lance's former team, a team Lance has a vested interest in, and which is known as the former US Postal Team.) What makes that interesting is: Levi rode for Postal before and there is competition among the "Disco" riders about who will be team leader next year.?

Also, Levi rides a bike made in Oregon, by the same custom builder as this author rides. See it here:http://www.landsharkbicycles.com/photogal5.html

On the other front, my man Floyd. Its been a dark week for cycling, but I will stick with my innocent judgement. Remember, these are the "greatest" athletes in the world, who burn up to 1200 calories per day, for three weeks solid, lose all body fat, and go through tremendous physiological demands. To test a world class athletes, after 3 weeks of touring, 71 water bottles in a single ride, with huge 24 hour diet/recovery shifts, against the average?testosterone level is difficult at best. There is no French plot, but there is a faulty euro "guilty regardless" testing system.

Now for the fun website of the week: http://bobroll.com/? My real identity is in the guest book. Hint: I'm not Canadian.

Thats this week euro-trash: Go Ride and Burn some Chub!

And Remember my name: Still Faster Than You.

DTour06 St5: Levi Steals Queen's Crown

Sunday, August 06, 2006 12:02:12 PM PT

by Chris Selden

The hills are alive with the sound of....hang on, hang on it's no movie here, the Tour of Germany has hit the mountains of Austria and now it's time to find out who the real protagonists of this year's race are.

Can Levi Leipheimer recapture his German title of 2005 or will a new favourite announce his intentions today? It's hard to pick a favourite in this year's race as the German Tour has a real mix of riders wanting to prove themselves. Some, after not being selected for the Tour de France have some things to prove and others, like Leipheimer wanting to prove something else after the Tour de France. Being a full Pro Tour race all 20 Protour teams are here along with two wildcards, Team Wiesenhof of Germany and Team Vorarlberg/Volksbank of Austria.

Leipheimer wins mountain stage, Voigt grabs lead in Germany

By staff and wire reports

This report filed August 6, 2006

Leipheimer wins the shortened mountain stage

photo: Tour of Germany

Reigning champion Levi Leipheimer (Gerolsteiner) won the fifth stage of the Tour of Germany on Sunday, a 163km leg between Bad Tolz and Seefeld.

The defending champion crossed just two seconds ahead of Kazakhstan's Andrei Kaschechkin (Astana) and Italy's Marzio Bruseghin (Lampre-Fondital).

A riders' protest ahead of the start of Sunday's decisive climbing stage prompted organizers to eliminate the day's hardest ascent, the 2,020-meter K?attel climb, which was pelted with high winds, freezing temperatures and icy roads.

"You have to think of the safety of the riders. The conditions were unacceptable," said Milram captain Erik Zabel.

  After riders refused to race for 40 minutes, organizers relented and rerouted the course around the climb, eliminating about 30km from the 192km stage, but keeping the finish at the top of the 13km, Cat. 1 Mosern climb.

Floyd Released From Phonak

Saturday, August 05, 2006  10:30:59 AM PT

As most expected, Floyd's B sample returned positive today for elevated ratio of testosterone to epi-testosterone. Team Phonak has taken tthe decision to "dismiss [Landis] without notice for violating the team?s internal Code of Ethics".

- Press Release

Phonak Cycling Team to clarify consequences

Hombrechtikon, 5 August 2006 - The Phonak Cycling Team has learned today

from the International Cycling Union (UCI) that team captain Floyd Landis's B

sample has also resulted in a positive finding of doping. As a result, Landis will be dismissed without notice for violating the team's internal Code of Ethics.

Landis will continue to have legal options to contest the findings. However, this will be his personal affair and the Phonak team will no longer be involved in that. Team owner Andy Rihs deeply regrets this development. At present, he is clarifying with all parties involved what consequences this may have for his company ARcycling AG, the operator of the Phonak Cycling Team. Andy Rihs and Team Manager John Lelangue will make in-depth statements regarding this matter at a media conference to be held in the next few days.

---- end release----

Yesterday, Floyd posted a comment on his website clarifying that his level of testosterone was not, in fact, abnormal. It was the level of epi-testosterone that registered abnormally low, thus skewing the results. Floyd has re-asserted his innocense and vowed to clear his name.

LeMond says Landis is already a victim-

Greg LeMond, three-time winner of the Tour de France bicycle race, takes a break from signing autographs at a bicycle shop to speak with reporters about the doping allegations against Floyd Landis, Thursday, Aug. 3, 2006, in Newton, Mass.

7:23 p.m. ET, 8/3/06

The way three-time Tour de France winner Greg LeMond sees it, 2006 champion Floyd Landis is already a victim.

Even if his backup "B" sample comes back negative - the results are expected on Saturday - Landis will be tainted by unfounded claims that he cheated.

"If it does come back positive, that's even more tragic to me," LeMond said, because the pressure to compete against those who are cheating "takes good people and forces them to make tragic decisions."

TAKE THAT FRANCE!!!!

Hah!  Yet another American won your like tricycle ride down the Champs Elysees (do you know the joke: Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?  So the Germans could march in the shade.)

What's worse, you got beat by a guy named FLOYD!

That makes EIGHT IN A ROW!  EIGHT!!!!

Hah!  I laugh at you French whiney-baby-men.  Jerry Lewis is very much ashamed of you now.  I cannot wait to hear the French press claim that Floyd Landis is doped up, or otherwise cheated.  We saved your ass in WWII, we protected your whiney butts during the cold war, and we kicked your ass in your precious little bike ride.

All you have left is Sucker.  And you can keep it.

World Cup Update

This just in......Italy and Germany's game was an exciting 120 minutes of NO SCORING! 

How in the world can the Euros call this sport exciting when all the players do is lightly jog around the "pitch" (what the hell is a pitch, anyway?), kick the ball around, and fall on the ground and cry like girlie men every once in a while.

And a 0-0 game is not exciting.  You want to know why soccer will never catch on in the United States.....because Americans don't want to waste their time watching scoreless games over, and over, and over, and over.....

Europeans think they are better than us brutish Americans, and yet the best sport they can come up with is Soccer?  No wonder so many halfway athletically talented Euros are taking up basketball to come to the United States.....

And don't give me this BS about "well, you just don't understand the game."  I understand that we are the only animals on the planet with opposable thumbs, and yet in Soccer you cannot use the very appendages that make us better than the common rat.  I understand that the most valuable organ in our body is our brain, and Soccer players repeatedly beat their brains over and over just to put a ball in the ggoooooooaalllllllllll......

And I understand that Soccer in Euroville is so boring that hooligans have to resort to fighting in the stands, in bars, in schools, in church and in senior centers just to make the "sport" exciting.

Those of you who think that soccer will catch on in the US need to get a clue and move back to France.  Soccer had its chance with this world cup, and the US team blew it.  Now go back to competing with figure skating and motocross for air time on the Outdoor Life Network.